do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
