now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
