the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Come see our sink grown plant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
