Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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