So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I love you. Go after that dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
