They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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