he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
