I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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