Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
