What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
