Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
