oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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