it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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