hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
