I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
whose ass print is on the piano?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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