Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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