so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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