No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
