So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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