I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
