I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
