we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize