dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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