dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
