Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
