I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she smelled like a LAN party
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
