i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you will always have a special place in my vag
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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