It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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