I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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