Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
