I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
