She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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