Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
