yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
