Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
