I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
