She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
