I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
