The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
