And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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