I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
