Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
