I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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