Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
