I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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