i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
