Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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