the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
