At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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