god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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