you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
