You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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