im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
