How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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