I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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