No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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