dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
