Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
