Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
