omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
