I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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