I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
