plz talk dirty to me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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