i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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