I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
