WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
