I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
