He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
