Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
