Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
