we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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