He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
