This girl is more easily done than said...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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