Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And then my night got REAL pukey
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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