Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
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we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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