hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
