don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
