So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
