he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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